Whether it be a family member who is toxic (which are seemingly difficult to shake and manage as sometimes you want to maintain some sort of relationship with them), or a friendship, I feel like the most common toxic relationship is a romantic one. The trouble is, when you're in that relationship it's difficult to tell that you're the one in it. Your friends and family can tell and most of the time won't say anything to you or when they do you're in complete denial. It might be familiarity that keeps you in it, or a fear that you won't be fine on your own, or maybe even your judgement is clouded as your feelings are so strong that you fail to see that you're actually unhappy. I'm not sure which one it was with me, but the happiness I feel not being with this person is extraordinary like a weight being lifted off my shoulders and an I can actually breath again.
I just wanted to write a post about my ex boyfriend of 5 years, in a hope that other women may feel empowered enough, have enough confidence in themselves and confidence in their gut instincts to do something about it and leave a toxic relationship. To be honest, I wrote this post over a month ago but when I initially wrote it, it came from a place of anger so I've chopped and changed a lot of what was written. I had found myself in an awful position where the guy I had been in a relationship with for 5 years, had been in a relationship with another woman for the last year of ours. Better yet, they had conceived a child while we were together and that child has now been born. While we have been broken up for quite some time and I've most definitely moved on, I can't help but feel betrayed. After all, he was official with another woman while he was sat at my dinner table with my family, showed me pictures from his holidays and bought us the exact same gifts.
To continue with the story, after finding out about the baby and after I posted on my blogging Instagram account about the situation, the woman who has had his baby ended up seeing. I never in a million years thought that she would have seen my post as my blogging name is entirely different from my personal private account where I go by my nickname, nor did I know that she knew of me as his ex. Of course, life has a funny way of working out and she did see the post and ended up messaging me. It was a nice message and we both ended up sharing details and I feel so enlightened knowing the truth.
On one of their many date nights, I had messaged like normal and she had seen. She asked him who I was and he said I was his crazy ex. He then saved his work phone number on his personal phone with my name and messaged it asking not to contact him again. He then proceeded to message back pretending to be me and showed it to the other woman. He also went on several holidays with her during the time we overlapped. Where ever they went he would still message me as if he was in the UK and would adhere to the UK time zone. I now know that he would message me while he was on the toilet so the other woman did not see.
After the other woman got in contact and I answered her questions and she mine, he messaged me. I have to say he had no right to do so and it was a horrible message where he said how all I was doing was getting revenge - quite laughable as karma already saw to that.
I do not particularly care what my ex is doing now or ever, nor do I wish him unhappiness despite how he has treated me and will continue treating women as I truly believe that he is a creature of habit. In fact, I do not wish him anything at all, instead I wish for others to be able to at least recognise they are in something toxic so that they can take the first steps in leaving.
However, my reasons for ending our relationship did not come from me finding out about his cheating and deceitful lies. It came from me because I realised that I was better than the relationship; he was not providing me with any happiness and I was wasting my valuable time and money on something that did not make me happy. It is so difficult to leave something when you are so familiar with it and as he was my first boyfriend I simply did not know any better. He was someone who was never happy for me or my achievements, who belittled me and discouraged me from succeeding.
I think people need to realise that you will be fine on your own. I cannot stress this enough. You do not need to rely on other people for your own happiness.
Anyway, this was quite a personal post so I hope you have enjoyed reading it and that it helps others who may be in the same situation.
To continue with the story, after finding out about the baby and after I posted on my blogging Instagram account about the situation, the woman who has had his baby ended up seeing. I never in a million years thought that she would have seen my post as my blogging name is entirely different from my personal private account where I go by my nickname, nor did I know that she knew of me as his ex. Of course, life has a funny way of working out and she did see the post and ended up messaging me. It was a nice message and we both ended up sharing details and I feel so enlightened knowing the truth.
On one of their many date nights, I had messaged like normal and she had seen. She asked him who I was and he said I was his crazy ex. He then saved his work phone number on his personal phone with my name and messaged it asking not to contact him again. He then proceeded to message back pretending to be me and showed it to the other woman. He also went on several holidays with her during the time we overlapped. Where ever they went he would still message me as if he was in the UK and would adhere to the UK time zone. I now know that he would message me while he was on the toilet so the other woman did not see.
After the other woman got in contact and I answered her questions and she mine, he messaged me. I have to say he had no right to do so and it was a horrible message where he said how all I was doing was getting revenge - quite laughable as karma already saw to that.
I do not particularly care what my ex is doing now or ever, nor do I wish him unhappiness despite how he has treated me and will continue treating women as I truly believe that he is a creature of habit. In fact, I do not wish him anything at all, instead I wish for others to be able to at least recognise they are in something toxic so that they can take the first steps in leaving.
However, my reasons for ending our relationship did not come from me finding out about his cheating and deceitful lies. It came from me because I realised that I was better than the relationship; he was not providing me with any happiness and I was wasting my valuable time and money on something that did not make me happy. It is so difficult to leave something when you are so familiar with it and as he was my first boyfriend I simply did not know any better. He was someone who was never happy for me or my achievements, who belittled me and discouraged me from succeeding.
I think people need to realise that you will be fine on your own. I cannot stress this enough. You do not need to rely on other people for your own happiness.
Anyway, this was quite a personal post so I hope you have enjoyed reading it and that it helps others who may be in the same situation.
Dress: Pretty Little Thing
